i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All I want is dick and wine.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
