I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We got so high we made milksteak
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
