Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
