We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
