Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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