Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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