I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize