I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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