I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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