I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
