i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
