I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
