i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
