I think my fart just growled at me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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