Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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