I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
