Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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