I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
