if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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