I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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