plz talk dirty to me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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