My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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