Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
