In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
