What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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