im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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