there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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