is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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