they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
