Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
