My nipple is on Facebook.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
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We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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