Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
