You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
