I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
