dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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