this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
