apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
MIDGETS
????
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
