do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
