as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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