Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
don't judge my taste in strippers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
