I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
