Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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