if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
