ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
