i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
