And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
