I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
