I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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