You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
