You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
