i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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