i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize