somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
