Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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