Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
