Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
