so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What drink are we having for lunch?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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