I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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