u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
