I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
