Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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