she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
