getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
