I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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