Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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